The other night I was talking to her when we started talking
about truths of life, past and related fears. As always, she was reluctant
talking about it. After a while, I paused and started wondering why we fear our
past. We all have a past, a deep dark past. There are always certain things
which we wish we had not said or done; things which we don’t want anyone to
know.
Why do some of us spend so much time thinking about their
past? Why do they fear talking about it? The most prominent reasons which come
to my mind are that we didn’t expect ourselves making so many mistakes as we
made and we assume a lot of things will turn out as we expect them to. This
post briefly summarizes my viewpoint on how to let go of our past and not fear
it. It is one of the most important lessons
of life – living in the present is the key to happiness. The past is over and
gone; never to return. The future is not guaranteed.
Most of the times, we are able to put our mistakes of past (regrets?)
behind us, especially the ones which are not major disappointments. And once we
overcome them, we don’t fear them; personally or while sharing them with
others. However, there are a few things which we are unable to get over in our
minds. Those are things we regret about our past and fear sharing them. The main
reasons behind this fear are the sense of losing something/someone and the
belief that it might affect your present. Our minds keep returning back to what
“might” have been, “could” have been and “should” have been. The more we think
about the events we regret, the more the associated fear deepens. It follows us
wherever we go and stops us from achieving our aspirations.
How to let go of your past?
The most critical fact about past is that it cannot be changed.
The events that you regret have already happened. And since there is no way to change
the past, it is better if we learn to accept it. I believe that we should never
regret our past decisions because they are what we considered the best at that
particular moment. In case of failures, we just need to learn from those and
move ahead. “Let it be” is one of the best phrases I’ve heard which helps me
get rid of the past.
Once we learn to accept the things the way they are, we
should stop thinking about them. The problem is that when we think about those
events, we start imagining how the things could have been and then we realize
that things have changed, which upsets us. It starts with a single thought but
as soon as we start, it is almost impossible to stop. One thought leads to
another and a vicious circle is formed.
One more important thing in this process is to realize the
truth of impermanence. We should realize that outcome of the next second is
unpredictable. Death can come at any moment. Therefore, we don’t have enough
time to keep worrying about the past and ruining our present also. If someone
tells us that we had only a few days of life left; we would regret spending so
much time thinking about the past. As the time passes, we would be able to
train our mind to ignore such thoughts, ultimately leading to complete dis-attachment.
The next thing is to learn to accept that we can be wrong
sometimes. We often don’t allow ourselves and others to be less than perfect.
We need to learn to forgive not only others but also ourselves. Lastly, to
overcome the fear of sharing our past, we should realize that people who care
about us would accept us the way we are; with our mistakes and past, no matter
how dark it is. Sharing always helps to overcome fears.
Letting go of past is
like lifting a weight off our chest. It prevents us from being stagnant, allows
us to move on and enjoy our present. It might be hard to accomplish but if we
believe in ourselves and realize the aforesaid points, it is possible to overcome
every fear related to your past and live completely for the present.
