Life with an Angel - IV

The rain gods have not been very kind to the people of Delhi this year. The monsoon showers seem to be in a mood to play hide and seek. Often the sky was filled with clouds making the sunset a picturesque moment with the clouds lined in gold and the sun rays reaching upwards. There were numerous frames which can be kept in your memories and brought to mind whenever you need something beautiful and peaceful. The only thing missing was rains.

I have always loved the rains (apart from a few instances, of course, when I got into trouble because of it). I believe that rains are a great way to rejuvenate our life and feel blessed. They bring in a renewed beauty and charm to everything around us. They wash away all the unwanted things and clean the atmosphere. The trees appear greener, the flowers fresher than ever and the sweet smell of Earth after rain feels like bliss.

The rains bring back several sweet memories from the past. Some beautiful mornings, some amazing afternoons and a few nights- all those moments when it was raining. They remind me of a girl standing in the rains, stealing her eyes away from the people, stretching out her arms and enjoying the rain drops touching her face, body and soul.

However, this year, the pages have turned. I am missing the rains more than ever. The monsoon this year has been more or less similar to my life with Angel. The sky was almost always covered with gloomy clouds, preventing a bright sky. There were a little sprinkles now and then but the joy of getting completely drenched in downpour was missing. Yes, the silver lining was also there; with every passing moment, I could feel my growing affection for her. Certain unwanted things are having a ball and a few things a tough time in its absence. I hope that the rain gods will shower their blessings as soon as possible to clear the mess and provide a fresh life to all in need.

When it's not her, the next best thing I can think of is Nature only. Sitting in the rains, under the open sky, with my eyes closed, listening to the sound of the falling raindrops, feeling the cold wind along with the pleasant smell of the Earth gives almost the same pleasure as sitting in front of her and gazing into her eyes. That carefree look of hers gives much more pleasure than the majestic views of any place around the globe. If there is any escape from her, it has to be in the lap of nature. Nothing else compares to her; to the Imperfect Angel.

OS ki Kashish

I wrote the following lines a long time ago during the third semester of my college life. Came across this on a friend's blog and thought I should share it. The mid semester exam of Operating Systems (OS) was scheduled for the next time and I had not even started the preparations. Anxiety was at its peak when I and GG, one of my besties, started chit-chatting and came up with a parody of the popular Himesh Reshammiya song.

OS ki Kashish

(OS ki kashish sarfarosh hai
OS ka nasha yun madhosh hai
kya kahein ye course karke jaane ja
gum hua hosh hai..-2) – 2
OS ki kashish sarfarosh hai

Bairiyaa threads ka,process jo chal gaya
pagal main hua, system bhi mar gaya
halka dhuan uth,processor jal gaya
roshan hua sama, monitor jal gaya
jaaga re jaaga re main khoya
OS ki kitaab me dimaag duboya
ab mera jahan,OS ki aagosh hai
OS ka nasha yu madhosh hai
kya kahe ye course leke jaane ja
gum hua hosh hai..-2

Dooba rahu sada OS ki kitaab me
uljha rahu sada coding me sawaal me
number ke bina ab na karaar hai
jaaneman number pe to neend bhi nisaar hai
jaana re jaana re maine jaana
mere bas ka nahi hai ye course paas kar pana
na meri khata na google ka dosh hai
OS ka nasha yun madhosh hai
kya kahein ye course leke jaane jaa
gum hua hosh hai
OS ki kashish sarfarosh hai
OS ka nasha yun madhosh hai
kya kahe ye course karke jaane ja
gum hua hosh hai..-2

Life with an Angel - III

The day was passing. The Sun was sinking slowly behind the high rises and its red rays lit up the sky above the western horizon. We stood on the side of a Delhi flyover. Bent on my knee, I looked up to her. The Sun blocked by her head created a halo of gold around her. With her serene white gown and her hairs flowing in the wind, she looked absolutely stunning; an Angel straight from the heaven.

My heart was beating so fast I thought it was going to burst out of my chest. It was one of the most exciting and nerve-racking times of my life. I had prepared a speech in my mind on what to say when I go down on my knee but when the moment came, I failed to execute it. I was so nervous I started mumbling something which I cannot recollect till today.. except that it ended with the three magical words. I closed my eyes and the world came to a standstill for the next few seconds. I could not hear anything, could not see anything except her.

The next sound I could hear was that of my alarm; which went on growing louder in intensity and annoying in nature. The dream was over. Again. I was back from the dream world and the reality was I could never gather the courage to tell her what I felt about her. Yes, there were a few blog posts dedicated to her along with some time-to-time personal messages. But I never had the guts to put it in a straight way. No matter how much I preached the “Live for the moment” theory, this was something I always delayed till the next time. It wasn’t because I was afraid she would say “NO”. Perhaps, I knew that I was only going to be able to do it only once in my life, so I had to do it perfectly. Perhaps, I was not sure why it was to be done.

 She is undoubtedly one of the best things that ever happened to my life. She is the only one I had ever thought about. Having gone through the ups and downs in the relation we shared, I realized no one ever makes me feel the same way before. Nobody makes me happy like she does. She fills my soul with immense pleasure and delight. I just feel complete with her. And I realize all I want is to grow old with her.

And we were really having a ball till the apocalypse year arrived.

Ghost of the Past

The other night I was talking to her when we started talking about truths of life, past and related fears. As always, she was reluctant talking about it. After a while, I paused and started wondering why we fear our past. We all have a past, a deep dark past. There are always certain things which we wish we had not said or done; things which we don’t want anyone to know.

Why do some of us spend so much time thinking about their past? Why do they fear talking about it? The most prominent reasons which come to my mind are that we didn’t expect ourselves making so many mistakes as we made and we assume a lot of things will turn out as we expect them to. This post briefly summarizes my viewpoint on how to let go of our past and not fear it.  It is one of the most important lessons of life – living in the present is the key to happiness. The past is over and gone; never to return. The future is not guaranteed.

Most of the times, we are able to put our mistakes of past (regrets?) behind us, especially the ones which are not major disappointments. And once we overcome them, we don’t fear them; personally or while sharing them with others. However, there are a few things which we are unable to get over in our minds. Those are things we regret about our past and fear sharing them. The main reasons behind this fear are the sense of losing something/someone and the belief that it might affect your present. Our minds keep returning back to what “might” have been, “could” have been and “should” have been. The more we think about the events we regret, the more the associated fear deepens. It follows us wherever we go and stops us from achieving our aspirations. 

How to let go of your past?

The most critical fact about past is that it cannot be changed. The events that you regret have already happened. And since there is no way to change the past, it is better if we learn to accept it. I believe that we should never regret our past decisions because they are what we considered the best at that particular moment. In case of failures, we just need to learn from those and move ahead. “Let it be” is one of the best phrases I’ve heard which helps me get rid of the past.

 

Once we learn to accept the things the way they are, we should stop thinking about them. The problem is that when we think about those events, we start imagining how the things could have been and then we realize that things have changed, which upsets us. It starts with a single thought but as soon as we start, it is almost impossible to stop. One thought leads to another and a vicious circle is formed.

One more important thing in this process is to realize the truth of impermanence. We should realize that outcome of the next second is unpredictable. Death can come at any moment. Therefore, we don’t have enough time to keep worrying about the past and ruining our present also. If someone tells us that we had only a few days of life left; we would regret spending so much time thinking about the past. As the time passes, we would be able to train our mind to ignore such thoughts, ultimately leading to complete dis-attachment.  

The next thing is to learn to accept that we can be wrong sometimes. We often don’t allow ourselves and others to be less than perfect. We need to learn to forgive not only others but also ourselves. Lastly, to overcome the fear of sharing our past, we should realize that people who care about us would accept us the way we are; with our mistakes and past, no matter how dark it is. Sharing always helps to overcome fears.

Letting go of past is like lifting a weight off our chest. It prevents us from being stagnant, allows us to move on and enjoy our present. It might be hard to accomplish but if we believe in ourselves and realize the aforesaid points, it is possible to overcome every fear related to your past and live completely for the present.